Expectation Vs. Reality, Part 1
The concept of expectation vs reality is so fundamental to our everyday lives that it is nearly impossible to overstate. While not the only mental theater to consider, it is easily one of the biggest-if not the biggest-and necessitates a near-constant mindfulness. It is my view that expectation vs reality is a huge driver of anger, feelings of self-unworthiness, depression, and sadness (to name a few) – and these feelings are the triggers that lead to unfavorable thoughts and finally to unfavorable actions. And in this modern age of social media, television, Internet, and all other mediums that connect us on a global scale, the problems caused by a warped expectation vs reality frame of mind are exacerbated to the extreme.
The misalignment or “gap” between our expectations and our realities is what causes most, if not all, suffering in this world. We think reality should be this certain way (our expectations) when, in reality, reality is exactly its definition – what is true. So many people go through life with this underlying, deep-rooted feeling of dissatisfaction and craving for more, without ever realizing that it is simply their mental framework of what they expect out of life being misaligned (often, to a great degree) with their “actual reality”. How many people do you know that would scoff and resent the idea of living in a single wide trailer with one used car in a small town in the United States? I’m guessing that way of life is unappealing to most people. At least, most people in a first-world country. Why? A big reason is their expectations vs their reality. The reality of living in this manner is below (and for many, very far below) their expectations of a “favorable” life. We live in a society where we expect a big house with lots of rooms, brand-new luxury cars, easy access to the best restaurants, entertainment, etc. If you take someone who expects all these things and put them in the reality of living in a single wide trailer, they would be miserable! In other words, suffering is when reality is not living up to our expectations. Now take someone who is truly only looking for a roof over their heads, running water, and a way to get from point A to point B. Living in a trailer would be perfectly acceptable to them, perhaps even a luxury. “Wow, I get my own space, roof, running water, means to travel,” and all the other comforts afforded with this “basic” setup. This person is content, the other is miserable. Their realities are the same, it’s their expectations that are different.
With all this being said, I want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with wanting nicer things in life. It helps us to strive to achieve more, to become better versions of ourselves, to provide more to society through business or other means. But we must understand a few things:
By simply recognizing that our own expectation vs reality framework produces biases in us, we can begin to reflect on it. This is the first step, recognition.
We have complete control over our expectations in life. We have some control over our reality. Our expectations are governed by our internal self, our reality is mostly governed by external factors.
Paradoxically, although we have complete control over our expectations, nearly everything can influence them. And with the advent of social media, our expectations are more skewed now than they ever have been before. Because of this, it is imperative to base our expectations from our reality and not from what we see online or on tv or even read in books.
It’s good to be inspired; it’s bad to be fooled.
The lower our expectations, the easier for us to find contentment. Some may say this is “settling”. I say “finding peace”.